On (not) using my body

A recent article in the New Yorker combined with trying to get used to my post-partum body, has gotten me thinking. The article opens with research showing that Americans started gaining weight in the early 80s, after remaining relatively stable through the 60s and 70s, and that we've kept on gaining, and then launches into reviews of several books that purport to explain the increase. One of the main arguments is that we are evolutionarily primed to seek out calories from sugar and fat, since putting on concentrated calories when they were available helped us survive lean times. Now that calories (especially from fat and sugar) are so cheap, we pack on the pounds.

But the article also points out that the economic part of this argument may be a bit flawed. After all, if calories are cheap, fewer calories are even cheaper. That got me wondering what else has changed in the 80s and 90s. What I came up with is the rise in personal computing. Cheap computers have dramatically changed the way that we make a living and the way we spend our recreation time. Even jobs that used to involve a fair amount of physical activity, like nursing, have been changed by technology. With the introduction of electronic medical records, any nurse will tell you that they tend to gain weight if they aren't careful (My mom's a nurse, so I have that on authority). The structure of our down time has changed, too. Here I sit blogging in my "free time." We spend time on facebook, twitter and message boards, perhaps instead of (not in addition to) more active pursuits. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't think computers are bad. I (mostly) like them, and rely on them for my livelihood. But many of us sit around all day working on a computer, and then come home to sit around playing on the computer.

I've been blessedly spared much angst over my body, but not because I've always been in great shape. Even when I wasn't in good shape, I was frequently using my body for transportation, by walking and biking. My body served me well, got me efficiently from point A to point B, and other than that I didn't worry much about it. I think using my body to do something useful helped me skip some of the worry about appearance.

But here I am, done with pregnancy, and my body is different. It is a little bigger and a different shape, and even though I'm nursing, I'm not finding that those extra pounds are coming off. After stepping on the scale the other night, I had to admit that I might have to work at getting back into shape, which caused me to exclaim in an exasperated tone "But I don't diet! I should get to eat as much sour cream as I want!"

The birth left me with a lot of recovery to do and my body still isn't ready for biking. So, in contrast to my pre-pregnancy life, I now find that I am fairly sedentary, with a few extra pounds I'd rather not have, and not exercising enough to justify my love of sour cream. I'd certainly buy the evolutionary argument that we love our fat and sugar (I sure do), but for me at least, the bigger problem may be that I'm not using up those calories in satisfying or useful pursuits. Even if I still had these pounds, if I were biking, I don't think I would be bothered as much. If my body felt strong and functional, I think I could recapture that blithe disregard for my body image.

Back when we were hunters, gatherers, or farmers, we didn't have time to obsess over our bodies. We just used them. I'm guessing neither anorexia nor excessive weight were big problems. Other than having recently grown a pretty fabulous baby, my body isn't doing anything for me right now. I'm not using it for work; I'm not using it for recreation; and I'm not using it much for transportation (though I do still walk some), and those cheap calories are not helping. I think the way for me to feel more satisfied with my post-pregnancy body isn't to diet or to "exercise," but to start using my body in ways that feel productive.

Update: Our (not so) Carfree Birth

Rowdy Kittens wrote recently in the Small Living Journal that one way for people to become more involved in their communities is to go carfree. We couldn't agree more, and we've noticed this in particular around the birth of our baby boy.

Because of complications, Dorea had to be induced at 38 weeks, and we had been hoping to take the bus to the hospital for the induction. We were all set with that plan until we left the house with our luggage in tow and realized that it was raining. After a few minutes, the rain slacked off a bit and we were set to go out in the drizzle. Just then, our neighbor stepped out onto her porch.

"How are you getting to the hospital?"

"We're going to take the bus," Dorea said.

"Do you want a ride?"

Dorea and I exchanged a meaningful look and then responded with a somewhat sheepish, "Yes."

Our neighbor ran back into her house, hollering to her husband that we needed a ride now, and then her daughter joined us for a very non-exciting ride to the hospital (it had even stopped raining).

Less than 24 hours later and we were headed back home, still without a baby. We'd had a round of induction attempts and wanted to get a good night's sleep before starting another. This time our wonderful doula drove us home. As we were getting out of the car, our neighbor's son spotted us and shouted out, "Dorea and Angela are back with the baby." Kids and grownups came pouring out of houses and alleyways to have a look, and we had to tell everyone it was a false alarm -- no baby yet.

The next morning a friend who lives a few blocks away drove us to the hospital for a second round. A few eventful days later we were ready to come home, this time with our beautiful new baby boy. Dorea was under doctor's orders to rest for a couple weeks and a bus was out of the question. We called yet another friend who came to the hospital and hauled us, all of our junk, and our new baby, back home.

So, how did we do on our carfree birth? It wasn't particularly car free, but we are grateful to be connected to our friends and neighbors and to be able to depend on them when we need help. And that's really what being carfree means to us.

Retail Therapy

I've learned something about myself in the past couple of weeks -- I'm not immune to retail therapy. Since Dorea got diagnosed with a semi-rare pregnancy complication, we've been bleeding money.

Some of the spending is legit. She's been having acupuncture appointments and we've spent money on medications of various sorts. But looking at my purchases, it seems that I think the whole problem will go away if I just spend enough money at Cambridge Naturals on natural products of questionable efficacy. And earlier today I accidentally bought two metal water bottles and a baby doll. I'm a far cry from the woman who wrote about buying everything used.

Maybe I should  be happy with this development. I was starting to worry that by saving my money and spending as little as possible, I was hurting the economy. There's no danger of that now, and I expect a call to come through any day from the president or at least the chair of the Fed thanking me for my patriotism.

I have learned two important things through this.

• Being anxious, tired, desperate, and fearful leaves you vulnerable to purchasing things you don't really need. Like all of the essential oils I bought last week because they might be helpful during labor.
  
• I hate spending money on things, but I actually really love spending money on people. We're having not one but two birth attendants at the hospital, and I'm happy to give both of them my money. In the past few weeks Dorea has seen a number of holistic/natural practitioners and I'm happy to spend money on them as well. I feel really happy knowing that these transactions are going to help us have the best birthing experience possible, and to know that I am helping to directly sustain alternative practitioners.
  

Making some room

As we've blogged about before, we have a small condo and we are soon to be a family of four. With the baby coming in just a couple of weeks, we realized a few days ago that we don't actually feel like we have enough room for the baby, either time-wise or space-wise, despite our protests otherwise.

So we finally got around to converting H's Ikea dresser back into a changing table. We cleaned out H's closet and made room for baby things. We donated all of the junk we have been collecting for a garage sale (finally admitting that the garage sale wasn't going to happen). With that done we were actually able to get to the crib out and set it up beside our bed.

With our physical space a little more freed up, we are starting to believe we have the mental space for a baby as well. Our goal is to be ready to welcome the baby next weekend!

Carfree birth. Sort of.

We got a request on our last post for more pregnancy news. In thinking back over the year, it does seem that my primary pregancy-as-it-pertains-to-being-carfree thoughts have to do with whining about not biking, about T delays and bad weather. Not a very good track record, is it?

I confess, I had been writing a wonderful carfree baby post in my head for after the birth (estimated due date for the baby is June 9, I'm at 34 weeks now). It was going to be all about how we had a carfree birth by having this baby at home (yes, we are that big of hippies, we really were planning a home birth and have the boxes of birth supplies on our porch to prove it). Of course, such a birth wouldn't have really been car free, because two midwives and a doula would have been driving to us, but still, I was kind of excited about not having to put the kid in a car seat right away.

Unfortunately, our plans have changed, and they will involve more driving. I was just diagnosed with some late-term complications that effect my liver function and can be quite risky for the baby if I don't deliver sooner than later, so instead of that nice home birth, we're looking at labor induction at a hospital in just a couple weeks. It certainly isn't what we had planned, but we're glad to know, glad we're getting excellent medical care, and glad that the risks in terms of outcome for the kiddo are pretty much nonexistent as long as we do what we need to do.

And now for the blog relevant part: we need to figure out hospital transportation. We are blessed to have many wonderful friends who are happy to drive us places every now and then, who'd be happy to get us to the hospital. But this morning, we got it into our heads that maybe we won't drive to the hospital. We'll need to take a lot of stuff, but hey, that's what our Xtracycle is for. If Angela bikes, then she'll be able to come and go easily after the birth to tend to H's needs without having to beg a friend for a ride whenever she needs to get somewhere. I can easily take public transit to get there (it's how I'm getting to prenatal visits anyway), and since it's a pretty early induction, it's not like I'm going to be in labor on the bus.

All of this news is only about 48 hours old, and we still have lots to figure out. We may well just throw our junk in a friends car since that's probably the path of least resistance. But there's something about the idea of getting to the hospital on our terms and our own power, that's really appealing in this situation. It feels a little like taking back a bit of control in a situation where we have none. It would be nice to land at the hospital V-C style, and of course, the thought of a photo of the bike, all loaded up with birth gear including one of those giant "birth balls," may be too exciting to resist. But please, don't worry, we're not going to strap the newborn into the panniers on the Xtracycle to go home. For that, we really will get either a friend, a cab or a zipcar. Though I have to say, some of totcycle newborn biking prototypes look pretty good (before you get hysterical, note the date on his post).

Carfree+Pregnant+Toddler+Winter

So far, I can't really say pregnancy + being car-free + toddler + winter is my favorite combination ever. Here's my bullet point highlights (actually, mostly whines) so far:

• If we owned a car right now, you'd better believe I would be driving it everywhere.
• As a result, if we owned a car right now, I would be getting exactly zero exercise. Right now I walk at least 40 minutes a day in small chunks, even going out of my way to walk as little as possible on the days I feel really bad.
  
• It is quite challenging to get around with H, especially with snow. Last year, our solution when sidewalks were impassible was to carry H in our back carrier and wear yak trax for the ice. This year, Angela can still do that, though not very quickly and not without tired shoulders, but it's good enough for getting to daycare. But my back is iffy enough already that I really can't carry H much anymore, so I'm restricted by her walking radius when home with her. She's a pretty good walker for 2 1/2, but that amounts to about a five block radius, if she's very motivated, and still she'll probably want a lift some of the way home. Fortunately we have friends in a 5 block radius, but still, I'm feeling a little trapped and already aching for spring.
• I miss biking. I suppose walking is fine for exercise, but when I bike I feel free. Walking...I just feel slow.
  
• Commuting by T, while perfect for a back-up option, is more troublesome when you do it every day. The red line has been plagued by delays lately. When I biked more, I could let the delays roll off much more easily, and sort of scoffed at people who constantly whined about the T. After all, we have decent transport and plenty of cities don't. But on my third hour plus long commute in less than a week, a commute that should take 30 minutes, I was definitely starting to feel the frustration.

Now that I've gotten some energy back just clearing first trimester, I'm hoping my attitude will turn around a bit. Obviously, we're thrilled to have number two on the way, and I'm committed to working through the logistics as needed, but pre-pregnancy I felt primarily pride and freedom about our car-free life. These days, I confess to sometimes feeling a little jealous of the dry drivers who can go wherever they want. Of course, they still have to wrestle their kid into the carseat and dig their car out of the snow, so maybe not that jealous.

Earning our plural.

Savvy readers may have been wondering about a few things. Why is the title of our blog plural when we only have one kid? Why hasn't Dorea been riding her bike? Why did we make a sappy post about walking H home from the hospital when that was a long time ago? What's up with the two-kid bicycle seat? (10 points to the anonymous commenter)

It's true. If all goes well, we will be a family of four this summer. I (Dorea) am pregnant with our second, due mid-June.

Thus far, I do find pregnancy is cramping my car-free style a bit, mostly since I'm not riding the fabulous xtracycle I obsessed over for so long, and have to spend a lot more time waiting for the T and the bus. But I figure if we can survive and thrive during pregnancy+toddler, and later baby+toddler without a car, we will have truly proven it is possible to be happily car-free with kids, at least little ones.