The Ride Home

There are wonderful things about raising a kid who rides public transit. I love that H. is out in the world, interacting with all kinds of people, all the time, and not just with the people we decide and arrange for her to have contact with. It's a pleasure to watch her skills at navigating public spaces grow. She's a pro at riding an escalator safely (yes, that did take teaching), knows just what to do (and what not to do) in a train station (wait back from the yellow line, stay close, NO RUNNING!, take a BIG STEP to get on the train).

She behaves reasonably well on trains and buses. We have pretty firm standards on what is and isn't acceptable that she mostly meets. There was a while there, right around 18 months, where I avoided taking her on transit because it was so difficult to keep her moderately contained for even a 10 minute ride. I thought perhaps we'd never make it out the other side. But it got better, and now, it's just a normal part of our days. One of the best things is that no matter where we're going, getting there is half the fun. The bus/subway/train ride is part of the adventure and the things we see out in the world give us lots to talk and think about. I can also see peeks into a future when she'll be able to ride trains and buses herself, and I can see that time will come way before her 16th birthday.

This is all great. But, and you knew there had to be a but, there's one thing that makes me wish for a nice, big, hermetically sealed car, preferably with tinted windows:

The ride home.

After a lovely trip out, say to the Science Museum (87 or 88 to Lechemere or Green line to Science Park), or Drumlin Farm (Commuter Rail to Lincoln), or South Station to watch the trains come in, H is tired, possibly cranky, and we still have to get home. Depending on where we are, getting home can take a long time (up to an hour, sometimes even longer), and that's a long time to ask a tired (or getting there) toddler to keep it together in a public space. She also knows the fun stuff is over, and is less enthusiastic about getting home than she was about getting wherever we were going in the first place. She still works hard to follow the "train rules," and we use all the tricks (e.g. toys & snacks in the bag just for the ride home), but any parent will tell you that sometimes the "tricks" just aren't enough, and then we become those people with that kid on the train.

I know other people's kids sometimes melt down after a big day, but they get to keep their tantrums private, in the confines of that nice car, with the kid strapped in and the windows rolled up. Every now and then, on that train or bus ride home, I wish I was one of them.

First Bus Trip and Parent Group Round-up

Baby R. and I went on our first bus trip on Friday. I tied him to my chest in our stretchy wrap (really just 4 1/2 yards of Jersey Knit fabric, tied like this), grabbed the diaper bag, took a moment to revel in not needing to pack any bottles since I'm nursing this kid, and headed out to catch the 77. We made our way north to the Arlington New Moms group hosted by Boston Jewish Family & Children's Services and showed up right on time (the group runs from 10-11:30 at the Calvary United Methodist Church at 300 Mass Ave). New parent groups were a great resource to us when H was a wee babe, and I have been really looking forward to attending them again with R. Here's a round up of some more local groups in the Cambridge/Somerville MA area:

• JF & CS hosts lots of New Moms groups in the Boston area (open to all new moms, not just Jewish moms, unfortunately not open to dads). The Somerville group (Thursdays, 11-12:30, at 42 Prescott St) is accessible via the 87, 88 or the 90, a 1.3 mile walk from Porter, or a 1.5 mile walk from Davis (though I'm not yet up to that much post-partum walking quite yet, ask me again in a couple weeks). The Cambridge group (Wednesdays, 10-11:30, at 132-134 Magazine) is a .6 mile walk south of Central Square.

• The Cambridge Birth Center hosts three groups at 8 Camelia Ave, right across from Cambridge Hospital and right next door to the Birth Center. There are nursing support groups on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10-12, both with lactation consultants, and a parents group (theoretically open to both moms and dads, though I only once saw a dad there when we attended with H) on Wednesdays from 10-12. These are accessible via the 83, 91, 69, or a 15 minute walk from Harvard.
  

• For both Moms and Dads, StellaBella toy store in Inman (1360 Cambridge St) hosts a new parents coffee hour, complete with tasty coffee & snacks from 1369 on Fridays at 10:30 (accessible via the 83, 91, 69 or a 15-20 minute walk from Harvard or Central)

• The Mount Auburn Midwives host a group for parents (they don't specify moms only) of non-crawling infants at the Vineyard Church in North Cambridge on Mondays from 2-3:30. (15 Notre Dame St, accessible via the 83, short walk from the 77, 15 minute walk from Davis or 10 minute walk from Alewife)

• The Cambridge Center for Families hosts a group for parents (any type!) and caregivers of babies up to 15 months on Mondays 12:30-2:30. This group is open to Cambridge residents only, and is held at the Peabody School at 70 Rindge Ave (accessible via the 83, short walk from the 77, 15 minute walk from Davis or 10 minute walk from Alewife). The entrance to the Center is at the rear of the school, and they host lots of events for families with kids six and under. Here is a pdf of the May/June schedule and newsletter, or look here for links (on the lower left) to future calendars.
  

Please feel free to leave additional info about similar groups in comments if you know of something I've missed, and do say "Hi" if you see me, Angela or baby R. at one of the groups!

Carfree birth. Sort of.

We got a request on our last post for more pregnancy news. In thinking back over the year, it does seem that my primary pregancy-as-it-pertains-to-being-carfree thoughts have to do with whining about not biking, about T delays and bad weather. Not a very good track record, is it?

I confess, I had been writing a wonderful carfree baby post in my head for after the birth (estimated due date for the baby is June 9, I'm at 34 weeks now). It was going to be all about how we had a carfree birth by having this baby at home (yes, we are that big of hippies, we really were planning a home birth and have the boxes of birth supplies on our porch to prove it). Of course, such a birth wouldn't have really been car free, because two midwives and a doula would have been driving to us, but still, I was kind of excited about not having to put the kid in a car seat right away.

Unfortunately, our plans have changed, and they will involve more driving. I was just diagnosed with some late-term complications that effect my liver function and can be quite risky for the baby if I don't deliver sooner than later, so instead of that nice home birth, we're looking at labor induction at a hospital in just a couple weeks. It certainly isn't what we had planned, but we're glad to know, glad we're getting excellent medical care, and glad that the risks in terms of outcome for the kiddo are pretty much nonexistent as long as we do what we need to do.

And now for the blog relevant part: we need to figure out hospital transportation. We are blessed to have many wonderful friends who are happy to drive us places every now and then, who'd be happy to get us to the hospital. But this morning, we got it into our heads that maybe we won't drive to the hospital. We'll need to take a lot of stuff, but hey, that's what our Xtracycle is for. If Angela bikes, then she'll be able to come and go easily after the birth to tend to H's needs without having to beg a friend for a ride whenever she needs to get somewhere. I can easily take public transit to get there (it's how I'm getting to prenatal visits anyway), and since it's a pretty early induction, it's not like I'm going to be in labor on the bus.

All of this news is only about 48 hours old, and we still have lots to figure out. We may well just throw our junk in a friends car since that's probably the path of least resistance. But there's something about the idea of getting to the hospital on our terms and our own power, that's really appealing in this situation. It feels a little like taking back a bit of control in a situation where we have none. It would be nice to land at the hospital V-C style, and of course, the thought of a photo of the bike, all loaded up with birth gear including one of those giant "birth balls," may be too exciting to resist. But please, don't worry, we're not going to strap the newborn into the panniers on the Xtracycle to go home. For that, we really will get either a friend, a cab or a zipcar. Though I have to say, some of totcycle newborn biking prototypes look pretty good (before you get hysterical, note the date on his post).

In appreciation of polite T-riders

I'd like to give a quick thank you to the surprisingly large number of Boston T-riders who will stand on a crowded train even if there are still one or two seats available. As someone who is not yet obviously pregnant, but still exhausted sometimes, I really do appreciate having a seat available.

Taking the bus against medical advice

Yesterday, I went along with Angela for her first ever endoscopy, but this post isn't about digestive troubles (as exciting as such things may be--and yes, everything is fine).

Angela was specifically instructed that she would not be permitted to leave the hospital by herself, since she would be fairly drugged up for the procedure itself and might still be loopy when they sent her home.

I had the following conversation with the nurse who admitted Angela shortly after we arrived:

Nurse: "You have your car parked down in the garage, right?"
Me: "No"
Nurse: "How did you get here?!"
Me: "We took the bus?"
Nurse: "How will you be getting home ?!?!"
Me: "Well I'd thought we'd see how she was doing, and either take the bus or call a cab."
Nurse: (suspiciously) "Hmm...a cab...I guess that's OK...but she CANNOT ride the bus. You HAVE to take her home in a cab. She might fall or something on the bus."

I took her admonitions seriously, and expected a seriously loopy Angela once they finally released her. As I waited in the appropriate location for her to be released, having secured sufficient cash for a cab ride home, I was surprised when a fairly perky Angela was delivered to me by wheelchair. She popped right up and we headed outside to address our transportation options. She very vociferously insisted that she was perfectly capable of riding a bus and there was no need for a cab. The nurse wasn't looking, so I decided we could risk it.

Um. Yeah. She was completely fine. I'm pretty sure we've both ridden the bus more impaired by, say, a couple beers, many times in the past. What did the nurse think would really happen on a quiet mid-day bus? It's not like Angela was driving the bus.

Carfree+Pregnant+Toddler+Winter

So far, I can't really say pregnancy + being car-free + toddler + winter is my favorite combination ever. Here's my bullet point highlights (actually, mostly whines) so far:

• If we owned a car right now, you'd better believe I would be driving it everywhere.
• As a result, if we owned a car right now, I would be getting exactly zero exercise. Right now I walk at least 40 minutes a day in small chunks, even going out of my way to walk as little as possible on the days I feel really bad.
  
• It is quite challenging to get around with H, especially with snow. Last year, our solution when sidewalks were impassible was to carry H in our back carrier and wear yak trax for the ice. This year, Angela can still do that, though not very quickly and not without tired shoulders, but it's good enough for getting to daycare. But my back is iffy enough already that I really can't carry H much anymore, so I'm restricted by her walking radius when home with her. She's a pretty good walker for 2 1/2, but that amounts to about a five block radius, if she's very motivated, and still she'll probably want a lift some of the way home. Fortunately we have friends in a 5 block radius, but still, I'm feeling a little trapped and already aching for spring.
• I miss biking. I suppose walking is fine for exercise, but when I bike I feel free. Walking...I just feel slow.
  
• Commuting by T, while perfect for a back-up option, is more troublesome when you do it every day. The red line has been plagued by delays lately. When I biked more, I could let the delays roll off much more easily, and sort of scoffed at people who constantly whined about the T. After all, we have decent transport and plenty of cities don't. But on my third hour plus long commute in less than a week, a commute that should take 30 minutes, I was definitely starting to feel the frustration.

Now that I've gotten some energy back just clearing first trimester, I'm hoping my attitude will turn around a bit. Obviously, we're thrilled to have number two on the way, and I'm committed to working through the logistics as needed, but pre-pregnancy I felt primarily pride and freedom about our car-free life. These days, I confess to sometimes feeling a little jealous of the dry drivers who can go wherever they want. Of course, they still have to wrestle their kid into the carseat and dig their car out of the snow, so maybe not that jealous.

Car-free toddler development

Upon arrival home last night, Angela reported the following conversation with H earlier in the evening:

H: Where Mama?
A: Mama is taking the train home.
H: Mama on the train?
A: Yep.
H: Mama go to Alewife?
A: Yep.

It's not in any of the books, but I believe this is a major developmental milestone. Our two-year-old knows our subway stop. It warms a car-free mother's heart.

Train trip to Drumlin Farm

On Sunday, we made a train trip with Grandma (aka "Baba") to the Drumlin Farm Fall Festival just West of here in Lincoln, MA. Prior to going to the farm, H insisted that there would be "Horses and cows and sheep and turtles and crabs closing their eyes under the water." Perhaps she was unduly influenced by our trip to the aquarium in Woods Hole...to our surprise there did indeed turn out to be turtles at the farm (as part of a wildlife show), but alas, no crabs.

The chickens were a big hit, as were the sheep and the hayride. We'll likely be making the trip to Lincoln again, as it is easier to get to by transit than either of the two small zoos in the Boston area: Franklin park (long walk or bus from the orange line, takes at least 1 1/2 hours to get there from Cambridge) or Stone Zoo (lovely and fairly close, but inaccessible by transit).
Drumlin Farm is about a 15 minute walk from Lincoln Station on the Fitchburg commuter rail line that runs through Porter Square (the ride from Porter was about 30 minutes). Walking directions are here. We found the walk pleasant, except for the last block where there was no sidewalk, and we needed to walk through a field of long wet grass...but I suppose the point was to get out into nature so us city-folks shouldn't complain too much...

Last Year's Carfree Camping Trip

Our friend, the swadfather, suggested that we do more blogging about car free trips. That’s when we realized that, aside from Dorea’s Woods Hole trip, we really haven’t done many. That’s mostly because we’re homebodies. After all, if we went away for the weekend, we’d miss socializing at our favorite park.

We have done one big car-free trip, however, to Provincetown last August, when H was a little over a year old. We went out for Family Week, and decided to camp, because we're cheap (have you seen hotel prices in P-town???) and like a challenge (suspiciously similar to our motivations for being car-free in general...). From the beginning, there were problems to solve:

• Should we take our bikes? We decided not to last year, but I think for future camping trips we will take at least the xtracycle, now that H has a seat (she didn't last year).
  
• How would we get all of our gear down to the ferry and then from the ferry to the campground? We weren’t sure we’d be able to easily access a grocery store, so we decided to bring food with us (if we bring a bike future years, we won't have to bring food). We filled an old-lady style shopping cart with groceries and cooking supplies. We also took two camping backpacks with our gear, and toted H in her stroller, with her very compact booster seat strapped to the back (it turned out to be a lifesaver to have a place she could be "strapped in" with some cheerios while we set up camp). We took the T to the ferry, And then walked to our campsite from the boat. It was a lot to carry from the ferry to the campsite (about a mile walk), especially since we got lost on the way, which made it more like a two mile walk, but we made it.
  
• How would we sleep? Of course this is the biggest question that any parent of a young child has. We opted to take a roomy two-person tent (since that's what was generously loaned to us) and have H sleep on a mat with us. That, um, didn’t really go as well as we hoped. H is used to sleeping in a darkened room and we were trying to put her down in a stuffy tent while it was still light outside, which she used as a good opportunity to perfect her newfound tent-zipper-opening skills. We ended up having to hold her until she fell asleep in our arms around dark and then we were all up with the sun. She took naps in the stroller while we walked around town. Next time we camp, we’re going to bring a bigger tent, the kind that has rooms, and designate a separate space for H to sleep. Fortunately all of us stayed cheerful, though we all could have used a bit more sleep.
  
• What would H eat? At home, she was basically nursing and eating whatever we ate and we assumed she’d do the same on the trip. We hadn't anticipated the challenge of getting our own food cooked on a toddlers schedule without available refrigeration, so we ended blasting through the few jars of babyfood we'd brought as a backup plan. Fortunately a nice well-prepared couple with twins gave us a few more packs of food on our last day when we ran out. In retrospect we would have put in more backup babyfood as well as more food specifically for H.
• What would we do if it rained? We had a minimal rain backup plan including a tarp rigged up sufficient to shelter us while eating and our stuff while we were sleeping in the tent. If it had been rainy, we probably would have spent much more time indoors in town, and probably would have had a few more restaurant meals. Next time we camp we’re going to bring a bigger tent, which would help out with the rain issue.

A few more points:

• Our campsite was unfortunately located across a busy highway from town, which necessitated a bit of a walk beside the highway. This was fine when H was in a carrier, but not possible with the stroller since the shoulder of the road was quite sandy. If we go again, we'll probably stay at the less shady campsite that's on the town side of route 6.
• We planned our trip so late that the only reason we were even able to get a campsite at all was that we didn't have a car. They were completely booked for sites that had room for a vehicle, but since we only had ourselves, we got in!
• Many many thanks to our friend and neighbors R & E who loaned us a backpacks, a tent, and other gear! Now that we know more what we need, we need to start rustling up some of our own gear.
  

Overall, the trip was a great success, despite the fact that nobody was getting enough sleep. H absolutely loved being outside (dirt! No baths! What could be better??), and we met lots of other GLBT-headed families. The scheduling didn't work out for a trip this summer, but we hope to make it in 2009. We'd love to know of other places accessible to car-free camping, without extensive bike trips to get there (i.e. places within a mile or two of ferry or commuter rail. We're planning to try camping on the Harbor Islands, but I'm sure there must be other good spots as well.

Trains and Buses and Toddlers

We have family in town right now who are staying in the south end, and this means more rides on buses and subways for our little family than usual. Yesterday we took a bus to the science museum, a train to "vacation house" (as H. calls it), and then a pair of trains back home. Since we were riding at rush hour, we took H. out of her stroller and let her ride either sitting on my lap or sitting on her own seat. She hasn't yet done much riding outside of her stroller, so we were curious to see how she would do.

The results were mixed. She was happy to be sitting in her own seat, but was a bit more vigorous that most of the other riders probably would have enjoyed. She liked looking out of the window, but sometimes had to be reminded to be quieter in her enthusiasm. She needed frequent reminders to continue sitting and was squirmy enough that the trips made me tired. During the last ride, we had to get off of the train because H. got a little hysterical when the nice man she was flirting with moved a few seats down (either to get away from her, or to give us room to sit down next to her -- I'm not sure which). We put her back into her stroller and told her if she didn't calm down we would get off the train. She didn't, so we did, and we got back on the next train with a calmer child who stayed in her stroller.

So we still have some things to work on. We want her to be safe on the train, to listen to us, and to sit in a seat (although I think we're deciding that kneeling in order to be able to look out the window is OK). We've been thinking of taking some "practice" stroller-free train trips with her for short distances so that we can work on the rules of riding in situations with less pressure.